"Hey buddy, take me to this church, my family is waiting on me," this guy explains.
The trip took me out somewhere near Town N' Country.
"Yes sir, the Lord hath given us a great day," he says.
Silence.
"What church do thou go to?" he questions.
Pretty sure I wasn't on LSD or amphetamine but homie sounded like Shakespeare.
"I don't,"
More silence.
"Have thou found God in your heart?" he asks.
In my world, Mike Trout is God.
"God has no place for me people like me,"
The conversation went flat and he didn't seem very happy with my answer. I dropped him off and when he left he says:
"God bless."
I looked and burped out loud.
This depressed me slightly, so I took a little sip from the flask and went to admire the Bay a bit. Until...next rider.
They were a couple who were without a shadow of a doubt hungover and/or still drunk.
"You piece of shit! I saw you looking at her last night! I know you gotta thing for Nicole!" the girl screamed.
Better not ask how their day is going.
"No baby, no! It isn't like that"," he tried to reconcile.
Just follow the GPS bubba.
"I swear, why do I put up with this?!" she cried.
Tears were streaming down her face.
"Rough night?"
He had the look on his face of a defeated man who was slowly losing grip on his relationship and possibly his Sunday morning sanity.
"You have no idea," he murmured.
I dropped them off at Harbor Island where all of the houses are gated and they are all modeled the same. Call me queer, but don't they get bored without originality?
No matter...back on the prowl.
The next pair I picked up were from Kuwait. They were studying at The University of Tampa.
"What do you think of America?"
The question always fascinated me towards foreigners.
Two boys no older than twenty.
"It's okay. People here drink too much and are very full of themselves," one of them says.
I hooked a left on Kennedy Avenue.
"The people here are not very cultured and when we tell them Kuwait they do not even know where that is so we don't even bother really telling anyone but no one really asks or listens to what we have to say," the other one proclaims.
We arrived.
"Very insightful. Thanks guys. God bless!"
They looked on in confusion, shrugged their shoulders and got out.
Just another American in America baby.
I took a sip of whiskey and felt it run down my throat and let the inners warm up. The only think missing right now is Strawberry's cute ass giving me a peck on the cheek. Cloud nina sucka. As I did this, I tuned onto the most wretched sports radio channel in North America full of buffoons who clearly take too many steroids, need to leave Hooters' patios, have to realize that Joe Maddon is not returning and actually do not watch Rays Baseball (with the fine exception of Neil Solondz, Andy Freed, Dave Wills and crew) nor any baseball for that matter, need to realize Joe Maddon is not returning, that Marc Topkin is an overweight pathetic portrait of a human being that is paid to write endless nonsense, which is to say, WDAE 620.
Alex Cobb was going up against Joe Biagini. Who? Former Reds, White Sox, Marlins trash Matt Latos was DFA'd because well, that's what happens when you are trash. Hoping to build off that last great start in Miami, Cobber needs to jump ahead and pound the zone. The Jays pen was pretty efficient and The Rays offense was held down the entire game essentially. C-Dick broke through bottom 3rd with a single. 1-0 Rays. Top 6th Russel Martin singles in a run and Colby Rasmus juggles it. 1-1 tie. Top 8th Darwin Barney (yes, his last name is fucking Barney) hits a solo shot into LF. 2-1 Toronto. Cobb goes 8.0 IP 4 H 2 R 2 ER 2 BB 3 K 1 HR. This all went to waste as The Rays offense couldn't muster anything when threatening against trash Osuna. Two on, two out bottom 9th and D-Rob strikes out swinging and that's your game. Another defeat by one run. "I just executed it in the wrong spot," Cobb would say after the game.
Better enjoy Cobb pitching in a Rays uniform because come trade deadline his ass is out the door.
"Tough loss, yeah, tough loss and you know like we couldn't like you know, yeah," Great Leader Kevin Cash says without wearing his Rays jersey (does he ever?). It's very frustrating all of these games. They jump ahead and implode. Colby Rasmus made some pretty questionable defensive plays in LF. Homie better tighten up. Steven Souza Jr. is slowly returning to form, that is to say, striking out A LOT.
I slammed the keys down, got depressed and drank myself to sleep.
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