"Repeat this prayer after me," she insisted.
"Wait, you want me to repeat what you are saying?"
"Yes," she said sternly.
"Oh Jesus, please help me," she began.
"Oh Jesus, please help The Rays,"
Record scratch.
"What?" she snapped.
"They are playing like shit lady and I'm about to check myself into the nearest insane asylum if shit don't turn around,"
Silence.
"Get the fuck out of my car,"
She abides.
I drove down State Road Sixty and headed towards downtown Tampa. Brandon really is a sprawling nightmare. Not too far up the road was Coppertail Brewing Co. where I parked and waited for the next flock to jump into my car. I had big plans for Strawberry for Mother's Day which included pie and multiple orgasms. The key to any woman's heart...making them scream. As I waited in the parking lot, I reminisced over this past week in Rays Baseball, it was hard for me not to weep and take another sip of whiskey in the flask. There's nothing wrong with drinking and driving...just don't get caught.
It all really started on Monday when the mighty Royals came to town and we managed to get crushed. 3-7. Spotty defense and errors by Kevin Kiermaier. He collected three errors this home stand. Awesome. This may have been one of the worst weeks in his career. Funny how "fans" turn on him so quickly. Former Ray Nat Karns looked great this week for The Royals and was even sporting former Rays' number Matt Moore 55. Can you tell I miss them both? We are poor, which is to say, "small market". Tuesday we managed to lose this game when they were up 5-0 at some point then go ahead and lose 6-7. Wednesday rolls around and Chris Archer goes 8.0 plus innings of shut down baseball and Jumbo manages to give up one run in the 9th. 12-1 Rays win. Arch plunked Salvi Perez who cried and moaned but still crushed the next game. Thursday's game with Oddo on the mound who kept us in the game against a sizzling Vargas BUT we still managed to lose this game too when the pen imploded 0-6 on Senior Citizen Day ( aka the only people who go to games Monday through Thursday). Friday rolls around in the worst place on planet earth...Fenway Park. I'd rather jump into a pile of giraffe shit than be among THEM in THAT place. If there is a hell unfathomable to the human mind, it is Fenway Park. People like David Ortiz and things like racism are promoted there. I'll take the confines of our crappy dome any day. Needless to say, Alex Cobb led the charge and was looking good. They were up 5-0 when, well, we did what we do best...implode. Brad Miller is descending quickly into Dan Uggla status. Your stirrups aint gonna save you bubba. Commits two errors on one play. ONE PLAY! Cobber made a throwing error. Colby Rasmus and Lomo had some sort of issue on a routine pop fly which began the mess. Maybe Rasmus couldn't understand Lomo language, "blahahagagahagabooboo."
The Boston Fuck Heads began tacking on and The Rays barely survived this one. Cobb did OK and Colome was called on to get the last four outs. THUG LIFE SUCKA.
"Yeah, we just gotta like yeah, defense," captain personality Kevin Cash would later confide after the game.
You know what's cool about Alex Cobb? He takes accountability.
Saturday rolls around and Blake Snell goes up against Lakeland's finest Chris Sale. Lomo hit a bomb off him. 1-0. That was quickly erased at some point 2-1. In some other inning there is walk to D-Nor when KEVIN KIEMAIER HITS A TWO RUN BOMB OFF CHRIS SALE. 3-2 Rays. I watched on in awe. Silly me though...a shortly lived dream quickly evolved into a nightmare when Snell imploded -again- allowing The Boston Fuck Heads to go up 6-3 AND another loss. Craig Kimbrel is good. Chris Sale and Craig Kimbrel are the only two people on THAT roster who are human to me. The Rays are edging closer to the bottom. Keep it coming boys!
"I know what I'm doing wrong but I just need to fix it," Blake says after the game.
Until you got demoted...SUCKA.
Maybe the pink socks warped his brain or the obsolete fastball command.
This team does four things...strike out, hit homers, walk or commit errors (or all of the above in one game). The pen is atrocious. Erasmo Ramirez slots in for the fifth guy. Stanek gets called up. Mallex Smith is still in Durham. Brent Honeywell and Jose Deleon are looking good. Matt Duffy is making his way back slowly. I wish they'd DFA Kevin Cash and Marc Topkin and Brad Miller.
Thinking about this in the parking lot, I got depressed and went inside to Coppertail. I texted Strawberry to meet up and she did. What a gal! We bought some deep fried food from the food truck, ate dinner, laughed and watched the sunset over downtown Tampa. Life was still good.
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