Tuesday Blues...

Staring into the void of the screen. It isn't until the little things of our daily routines that we find that it can all be shook by a bomb, an act greater that is unfathomable to the average mind or something that is out of reach.
The Rays had been playing good but lost Sunday due to a very good catch by Aaron Judge from a scorching hit off the bat of Evan Longoria. Arch went deep and struck out 13 Yankee hitters. See ya later sucka.
Pushing the Yanks back up into first a half game over Baltimore.
I was feeling nostalgic on this Tuesday morning and found myself quietly smoking cigarette out back in the black tar pavement that lines around the building. The mind ran astray with different ideas and sounds. The feeling of my childhood came into sight and how far away it all seemed. A time in life when everything was easy. A time in the life of a young innocent mind when one isn't conscious of the things happening around me. So what if The Rays lost or won? Why did I bother writing down all of these silly ideas and keeping score of something so mundane and simple as baseball? Those ballplayers go home to their expensive homes, families and beautiful lives while poor people like me feed the American service industry. I knew that. Perhaps that's why if the opportunity ever arose to hang out with one of those dudes, I'd kindly pass the opportunity up for someone else who actually gave a damn because well, I didn't.
Thoughts ran off into the sky again...

Tuesday night The Rays essentially lost due to a passed ball from youngster Ryne Stanek. That essentially blew the game and Odo went pretty good. Gave up some hits but all in all, looked solid and the thug he is. The Yankees won and jumped up in the division 1.5 games up over Baltimore. Still, I smoked and tried to forget. Childhood. There is that word again. When all was simple and easy. Gratis as it were. The smiles of children. The opening cracks of plastic bottle caps of Coke bottles. The sweat rolling off the forehead in the park as we stuffed our mouths with chocolate and other processed goods. These were the days when anyone could buy a house -whether they could afford it or not- as the balloons draped over the wooden picnic benches. This all seems so vague and almost eternity ago. Why did it matter what I wrote about these Tampa Bay Rays as there are bombs being dropped in The Middle East? As there is more slaughter in England? More rape and plundering here in these United States of America headed by a total madman?
I inhaled and tried to turn off the cranium sponge.
Alex Cobb going tonight against Shoemaker. Mike Trout is in town and nothing makes sense anymore...

Godzilla throwing meatballs and a cubicle dream...

The screen glows in front of my face and I am staring into the void that my fellow countrymen do. It's often struck me queer, are people unable to live with the contentedness of their thoughts and actually deal with their thoughts? This repetition was killing my fingers and it seemed every fifteen minutes I had to run off to the pisser to take a short meditation on the toilet.
"Hi, you are the new guy?" a voice comes out of the nowhere.
Back at my desk.
"You guessed right,"
My attention went to the person. A dude.
"How are you liking it?" he asked taking note of my tie.
The tie was blue and yellow.
"Is that a trick question?"
We laughed in unison.
"Let's have lunch," he demanded.
So we did.

We met in the parking lot around 12:00 and he picked me up in his red Charger. There was some talk of going to McDonalds but we settled on this little Spanish joint in the cut that you'd have to kinda know the knowledge of the area in order to find. I felt like early European settlers slashing our way through the vast wilderness that Tocqueville wrote about. By the first ten minutes of sitting with someone in the car, you get the general idea of what kind of personality someone has. He loved talking about himself and had a manipulative way of trying to twist his stories into something that was clearly not true.
I ordered a long Cuban sandwich.
"You gotta girl?" he asked.
"I think so,"
There were no onions in my sandwich.
"I just need someone to talk to bro, I mean you are a good listener, you are smart,"
They used American cheese.
"Bro I've been with this girl for years and our families are pressuring us to get married but I don't know if I can afford it and she is kind of controlling," he explains.
Kind of like Archer's fastball control.
"I love her and all. She is awesome in bed but she never lets me hang out with my boys," he continued.
Something told me had didn't have any "boys" to hang out with.
"I don't really have friends,"
Run with no tribe.
"If I go out, she texts me every five minutes and thinks I'm out doing something bad," he cried while biting into his sandwich.
"Then don't do anything wrong,"
The coffee was good too. Cafe con leche.
"I was doing a lot of pills and coke," he sighed.
I was too but I never got caught.
"Yeah,"
"What should I do bro?" he asked.
Fuck if I knew bubba.
"Get a hobby?"
He laughed but I was sincere.
"You are a cool guy bro,"
No I wasn't.

Saturday night. Big game. Andriese took on Tanaka. We got to him opening day and were hoping to exploit that. Bottom 1st. C-Dicks CRUSHES one. 1-0. Top 2nd Aaron Judge LAUNCHES one. 1-1. Bottom 2nd Jesus HATH SPOKEN DOUBLE IN A RUN MY SONS. THALL SHALL DO. 2-1. Bottom 3rd Longo CRUSHES one with that smooth swing to left field. Tanaka nearly crying. 3-1. Godzilla aint saving you bubba. Top 4th Chase Headly doubles in two runs. Ugh. 3-3. Bottom 4th. Corey Dickerson GOES YARD on a three run bomb. 6-3. TAMPA BAY. Top 5th. Scary Gary launches one to center. 6-4. The New York transplants go wild. They only know two emotions anyhow. Drunken and disorderly. New York state of mind. Illmatic. Bottom 5th. KK singles in a run and Lomo singles in two more. Tanaka is sent home yet again to the beach. He was extremely vetted out of this one. NOT fake news bubs. Some plunking began when fuck boy Tommy Layne sent a fastball to our All-Star C-Dicks. Sup bitch? Like the class we are, he walked it off. Warnings sent out. Top 6th. Andriese sends a fastball to Aaron Judge's ribs. SUCK IT. Judge walked it off because his intellect is the size of a peanut. "I like the beach and steak," he commented after the game. Andriese ejected. Bottom 5th OG Devil Rays manager Larry Rothschild was ejected for being a geriatric and inept. This followed up with a little display of slight mental down syndrome when Joe Girardi was inspired by Picasso's blue period and pained home plate with his hands. I shall call it "my trash". Ejected. You can find him autographing baseballs at an Arby's in South St. Pete. No matter. Top 6th. Headly adds on but this wasn't enough because former Yankee (and born again Ray) Chase Whitley dealt to this old team with his beard because here in Tampa Bay we believe in being yourself. Not a robotic tool. A-Rod reference. Wanna hear a joke? A-Rod's career! Andriese was ejected but left with a standing ovation 5.0 IP 6 H 5 R 5 ER 0 B 5 K 2 H. Treat yourself to something nice. He pitched up in the zone and those Yankee hitters made hard contact but he still limited the damage. Chase Whitely following up with 3.0 IP with 1 H against his former team, that was impressive too. Of all people Jumbo Diaz shut the door with 2 K 1 B and had Brett Gardner ground out. Meanwhile The Boston Fuck Heads lost pushing the Rays into third place. Only 4.0 back out of first. YES.
If Snell and Honeywell/Faria come to the rise, what happens next? Time for a run? Matt Duffy coming up? Ramos on the way? Tommy Hunter playing too? Oh my god, I'm starting to believe...
"Yeah the guys played good and well, yeah, you know we're like playing sound baseball," Kevin Cash says.
Nine times outta ten I hate him but not this weekend. Looking for a sweep. Send them home miserable and unwanted because your salaries aint buying you a championship.

We went back to work and smiled.

Weekend Burger Fest and Yankee fans...

When a Yankee fan says to anyone else, "how many World Series rings do you have?"
My mind tends to tilt into philosophical mode. That is like saying how often did Moses hang out with Michael Jackson? Irrelevant.
I found myself in a little cubical on a Saturday morning and drying up from all of the sweat from the heat outside and the booze from my pores. Office life is one that is completely extraterrestrial to me. The guy training me stunk of dog piss and clearly loved his weed.
"You blaze up before work bro?" he asked.
"I warmed up my coffee,"
Silence.
"So you watch that show last night?" he asked.
This was a form of politeness.
"I only watch Fox Sports Sun,"
He took a liking to this statement.
"Oh you like The Rays huh?" he laughed.
Correction.
"I breathe, eat and shit Rays Baseball,"
We both laughed in unison and got to the training.
The job was mindless and repetitive but aren't most jobs? You learn to just tune your mind off while in the vicious circle of repetition and let it roam to the vast fields of the intellect, well, what little was left. Ever so often when he'd leave to go "do something" I'd quickly scan through the stats and highlights of last night's game.

Erasmo took the hill against Severino. The Yanks jumped out early Top 1st thanks to Castro. Good player. Bottom 1st Lomo answers back. 1-1 tie. Come to papa. Top 3rd Jacoby Ellsbury doubles in a run 2-1 Yanks lead. Ugh. The Rays stranded a couple of base runners and once with the bases juiced and came up empty. Maybe it's me but Colby Rasmus took some swings that made him look like he sincerely was not trying. Not good. Better feed him his moonshine. No matter. Lomo sac flies in a run. 2-2 tie. Then RICKIE WEEKS JR. knocks on down the third base line and a diving Ronald Torreyes putting the Rays up 4-2. Better put the diaper back on in the dug out bubba. Top 8th Ryne Stanek gives up a two run bomb to ex-Card TRASH Matt Holliday 4-4 tie. It's all good. Wipe your butt and flush the toilet. Bottom 8th. Tyler Clippard on the bump. Homie always looks constipated on the mound. Walks D-Nor and KK then Longo singles in D-Norr. Rays Up. 5-4. Top 9. THUG Alex Colome shuts the door and discards The Yankee trash. All of the transplants from THERE went home miserable and Rays fans stoked. SUP? Erasmo was phenomenal. Kudos bubba.

I felt happy and got a cup of coffee.

Friday Night is for Pizza, Motorhead and Erasmo gotta keep the ball low in the zone...

All brilliant men are lost in the veins of history. The quote seemed to linger in my mind today as the sweat dripped off my forehead and into my eyelids. AC was out. Damn. Here in Florida this was virtually impossible to live without. Strawberry absolutely refused to jump in the car and I cut down on my cigarettes yet increased the whiskey intake. Life finds a way.
Ubering for the night was out of the question for now, so I needed to make some money in order to fix this little AC issue. No one wants to ride in an oven on four wheels.
"Try this one," Strawberry told me earlier in the day.
I went to this little office out in Brandon. For some reason, I always end up out here.
The problem with wearing a tie to this little interview was I'd be sweating liters of water prior to entering. Fuck it. Gotta try right? If you never try, you die.
I opened the door into the cubical zoo.
A cute girl answered who was no older than twenty years of age and seemed to have three inches of makeup to hide her face from the world or painting it to beauty.
"Hello there, I am here for an interview,"
She seemed disturbed by all of the sweat.
"Oh, okay. Hang on, let me call HR," she replied.
The office was stained with Tampa's finest. Women in tank tops with tattoos, older men squinting at the screen and their potbellies adding an extra distance from the torso to the desk and one stunning looking woman approaches me.
Uh oh.
"You must be..." she began.
"Yes, that's me,"
We shook hands and went into the little conference room. On the wall was a photo of an old dude with a date. Probably dead.
"So we are..." she began.
My mind ran astray. Erasmo was going tonight against Severino and this series was crucial.
"And..."
What is critical for Erasmo tonight is pound the lower part of the zone and be extra careful when pitching to Aaron Judge. A monster. Good thing Odo is missing this weekend. These Yankee hitters love the upper part of the zone.
"But..."
I honestly believe this series can be a very critical point in this season. If the Rays want to claw back into the standings, they need to take two outta three. PERIOD.
"So..."
Also this weekend, we need a lot of production out from Longo, D-Rob, Rasmus, KK, D-Nor and Souza. Our pen needs to be extra on it because this lineup is fire. STILL the last series they played in Tampa Bay, they get mauled and humiliated. Tanake walked out axed. Looking extra at this newly acquired Michael Martinez. Brad Miller to DL. Meh, not that bummed about it. He is sloppy at 2B and he strikes out at a crazy rate. His power has decreased but walks a lot. It will probably do him some good.
"Are you..."
Ramos took BP today. YES. PLEASE COME BACK SOON. This Tim Beckham and Brad Miller combo has got to go.
"Excuse..."
I just really wanted them to win. This feels like a playoff game.
"Yes, I will, absolutely will," I replied emphatically.
What did she just say?
"That's great!" she replied.
Checking back in.
The thing with job interviews I learned over the years (I could reelem' and dealem') just feed them a bunch of bullshit, sprinkle it in with euphemisms (makes you sound intelligent) and try to relate to the interviewer. For the most part, they were rarely qualified to give them but the key is find their weakness and exploit them. You'll have them at your mercy and hand gesturing plays into this too. Psychology can be learned on the streets or in your car (in my case).
"Great, we think we like what we see," she concluded.
I barely spoke but seemed to hit every spot in the zone, just like the way Erasmo, Andriese and Archer are going to do this weekend.
"Cool,"
I went to 7-11 and bought a French merlot from the Provence region and warmed up even more.

Rays clobber Boston & Cleveland and Strawberry wants to take "a break"...

"It's not you, it's me," she explains.
My heart sank into my chest.
"What do you mean?"
Silence.
"You are great, we are great, I just don't know if you are going to give me what I want," she explains some more.
Truth be told, I wanted The Rays to make a run for October.
"Are you mad at me?" she moaned.
I didn't know what I felt.
"But baby,"
It was like inserting a verbal template into my brain. The words just came out automatically, but reality was I did not need her. Sure, we got along great and had fun and had wild crazy sex all over the place but were we truly in love and interconnected?
"I just think that..." she continued.
The fruits of solitude gave me a peace of mind not many other souls did. Day in, day out, I would have these bitter married couples come into my car from Ubering (they weren't all bitter though, just the majority) that seemed completely discontent with one another.
"And..." she said.
The scenario usually played out as so...the man seemed more content with what was blaring from the little screen in front of him and the woman was interested in my little story telling from various freaks and weirdos who crossed my path on a daily basis (or the roles swapped).
"So..." she cried.
There is always an exception! One couple came in who was madly in love. What made these two stick out? Understanding of one another.
"Okay?" she concluded.
"Okay,"
She pecked me on the cheek and left the crummy apartment off 7th Avenue in Ybor City. Would I ever see her again? The feeling that consumed me wasn't depression, loss nor happiness...simply unfathomable. Pondering this for a second, I walked down to the corner store, got a two liter of coke, a bottle of Jack Daniels and began gazing over the notes from this week thus far:

Sunday The Rays were still in hell. Hell nearly froze over and the rains poured down from the mortal world. Boston is awful. Andriese took to the mound against awkward lefty Drew Pomeranz. Key word of the day...OFFENSE. Top 1st. Longo sac flies a run. 1-0. Bottom 1st. Xander B. answers with a double 1-1. They ran off shithead somewhere in the 3rd or 4th. "Shoulder pain" or some weak ass euphemism. Beat it bubba. The game was close until the 9th. Rickie, Timmy, Jesus, KK and Souza put an end to any optimism in the Red Sox fan base and sent them home miserable...just like when they lost the Post Season last year and Lard Ass Ortiz was retired (crying). Good riddance puto! The pink uniforms for Mother's Day ignited the bats. Andriese went 5.0 IP 2 R 2 ER 5 K. That deserves a beer!
Monday into Cleveland. Chris Archer nearly imploded the first inning giving up six runs BUT The Rays battled back. Slowly but surely. KK got the offense going followed up with Brad Miller, Longo and Lomo. The only blemish was from Jumbo gave up a bomb to Lindor Fancisco that essentially put them ahead. Kudos for them battling through Andrew Miller and Cody Allen. Peter Bourjos homered off Allen putting us close at 7-8 but Allen used that curveball to put away D-Nor on a pop fly in foul territory. A well-fought loss. Archer did settle in and helped keep the pace. He took accountability for the walks and runs. Love you boo.
Tuesday...Odo against Salazar. Remember when we wrecked them in The Wild Card game? Shut out? Oh those days. No matter...Top 2nd Redneck Rasmus goes deep with that smooth swing on a fastball. Sup? Top 3rd. D-Norr and C-Dicks go back-to-back putting Rays up 3-0. Top 5th. C-Dicks goes DEEP again. MAMMOTH SHOT. Top 6th T-Bex goes deep 6-1. Kipnis added bottom 3rd. Bottom 6th. Edwin and Carlos Santana add on 6-4. Odo gettin' roughed up. Still the pen held their own and The Rays went on to win. YES!
"I am glad the pen did their job," Odo later confessed.
Me too playa.
Wednesday afternoon. Alex Cobb against Tomlin. Top 2nd. Jesus and C-Dicks put us up on the board. Top 3rd. Lomo hits a BOMB then T-Bex adds on. 6-0. Sup Ohio? Bottom 3rd. Kipnis and (new MLBer) Zimmer tack on. 6-2. Ruh oh. Bottom 5th Michael Brantley doubles in a run. 6-3. It's so good to see him playing, oh wait, no it's not, I hate him and EVERYONE not on our roster. Cobber labored but got threw like the bulldog he is and left his team in a good spot to win. Top 9th. Jesus preached to his flock "let there be homers" and he doeth. 7-3. Bottom 9th. Colome on the hill. Bradley Zimmer homers for his first MLB homer. Congrats kid. Too bad y'all fittin to lose SUCKA. Colome ends that little celebration by allowing another well hit ball to center when KEVIN KIERMAIER ROBS HOMEBOY KIPNIS OF TACKING ON and sends them people home miserable and me a happy man. Rays Up. I never doubted my dawg KK. Love you too boo boo.
Cobber finished 7.0 IP 6 H 3 R 3 ER 1 BB 7 K. Glorious. Simply glorious. Off day on Thursday which meant COCAINE USE.

Meditating a bit on the notes from the week thus far it sidetracked me from the reality in which I was swimming in but the booze was flowing through the mind and spirit like no other and I smiled when passing out on the couch when I hear a door knock.
Sluggishly I make way to the door unable to walk straight. No Ubering tonight.
Strawberry.
"I love you baby,"
We kissed and made love sideways, upside down and vertical as we passed the bottle back and forth.

.

This week in review and a woman prays for me...

I found myself in a parking lot in an Olive Garden when this bug eyed lady began spewing words that sounded like someone hypnotized (or tripping on bath salts).
"Repeat this prayer after me," she insisted.
"Wait, you want me to repeat what you are saying?"
"Yes," she said sternly.
"Oh Jesus, please help me," she began.
"Oh Jesus, please help The Rays,"
Record scratch.
"What?" she snapped.
"They are playing like shit lady and I'm about to check myself into the nearest insane asylum if shit don't turn around,"
Silence.
"Get the fuck out of my car,"
She abides.
I drove down State Road Sixty and headed towards downtown Tampa. Brandon really is a sprawling nightmare. Not too far up the road was Coppertail Brewing Co. where I parked and waited for the next flock to jump into my car. I had big plans for Strawberry for Mother's Day which included pie and multiple orgasms. The key to any woman's heart...making them scream. As I waited in the parking lot, I reminisced over this past week in Rays Baseball, it was hard for me not to weep and take another sip of whiskey in the flask. There's nothing wrong with drinking and driving...just don't get caught.

It all really started on Monday when the mighty Royals came to town and we managed to get crushed. 3-7. Spotty defense and errors by Kevin Kiermaier. He collected three errors this home stand. Awesome. This may have been one of the worst weeks in his career. Funny how "fans" turn on him so quickly. Former Ray Nat Karns looked great this week for The Royals and was even sporting former Rays' number Matt Moore 55. Can you tell I miss them both? We are poor, which is to say, "small market". Tuesday we managed to lose this game when they were up 5-0 at some point then go ahead and lose 6-7. Wednesday rolls around and Chris Archer goes 8.0 plus innings of shut down baseball and Jumbo manages to give up one run in the 9th. 12-1 Rays win. Arch plunked Salvi Perez who cried and moaned but still crushed the next game. Thursday's game with Oddo on the mound who kept us in the game against a sizzling Vargas BUT we still managed to lose this game too when the pen imploded 0-6 on Senior Citizen Day ( aka the only people who go to games Monday through Thursday). Friday rolls around in the worst place on planet earth...Fenway Park. I'd rather jump into a pile of giraffe shit than be among THEM in THAT place. If there is a hell unfathomable to the human mind, it is Fenway Park. People like David Ortiz and things like racism are promoted there. I'll take the confines of our crappy dome any day. Needless to say, Alex Cobb led the charge and was looking good. They were up 5-0 when, well, we did what we do best...implode. Brad Miller is descending quickly into Dan Uggla status. Your stirrups aint gonna save you bubba. Commits two errors on one play. ONE PLAY! Cobber made a throwing error. Colby Rasmus and Lomo had some sort of issue on a routine pop fly which began the mess. Maybe Rasmus couldn't understand Lomo language, "blahahagagahagabooboo."
The Boston Fuck Heads began tacking on and The Rays barely survived this one. Cobb did OK and Colome was called on to get the last four outs. THUG LIFE SUCKA.
"Yeah, we just gotta like yeah, defense," captain personality Kevin Cash would later confide after the game.
You know what's cool about Alex Cobb? He takes accountability.
Saturday rolls around and Blake Snell goes up against Lakeland's finest Chris Sale. Lomo hit a bomb off him. 1-0. That was quickly erased at some point 2-1. In some other inning there is walk to D-Nor when KEVIN KIEMAIER HITS A TWO RUN BOMB OFF CHRIS SALE. 3-2 Rays. I watched on in awe. Silly me though...a shortly lived dream quickly evolved into a nightmare when Snell imploded -again- allowing The Boston Fuck Heads to go up 6-3 AND another loss. Craig Kimbrel is good. Chris Sale and Craig Kimbrel are the only two people on THAT roster who are human to me. The Rays are edging closer to the bottom. Keep it coming boys!
"I know what I'm doing wrong but I just need to fix it," Blake says after the game.
Until you got demoted...SUCKA.
Maybe the pink socks warped his brain or the obsolete fastball command.
This team does four things...strike out, hit homers, walk or commit errors (or all of the above in one game).  The pen is atrocious. Erasmo Ramirez slots in for the fifth guy. Stanek gets called up. Mallex Smith is still in Durham. Brent Honeywell and Jose Deleon are looking good. Matt Duffy is making his way back slowly. I wish they'd DFA Kevin Cash and Marc Topkin and Brad Miller.

Thinking about this in the parking lot, I got depressed and went inside to Coppertail. I texted Strawberry to meet up and she did. What a gal! We bought some deep fried food from the food truck, ate dinner, laughed and watched the sunset over downtown Tampa. Life was still good.

Uber is the key to world peace and a Cobber matinee

I was already running around the city doing some Ubering. Sunday morning primarily consisted of people going to church, brunches or leaving their one night stand and/or these three in some three-step-fashion.
"Hey buddy, take me to this church, my family is waiting on me," this guy explains.
The trip took me out somewhere near Town N' Country.
"Yes sir, the Lord hath given us a great day," he says.
Silence.
"What church do thou go to?" he questions.
 Pretty sure I wasn't on LSD or amphetamine but homie sounded like Shakespeare.
"I don't,"
More silence.
"Have thou found God in your heart?" he asks.
In my world, Mike Trout is God.
 "God has no place for me people like me,"
The conversation went flat and he didn't seem very happy with my answer. I dropped him off and when he left he says:
"God bless."
I looked and burped out loud.
This depressed me slightly, so I took a little sip from the flask and went to admire the Bay a bit. Until...next rider.
They were a couple who were without a shadow of a doubt hungover and/or still drunk.
"You piece of shit! I saw you looking at her last night! I know you gotta thing for Nicole!" the girl screamed.
Better not ask how their day is going.
"No baby, no! It isn't like that"," he tried to reconcile.
Just follow the GPS bubba.
"I swear, why do I put up with this?!" she cried.
Tears were streaming down her face.
"Rough night?"
He had the look on his face of a defeated man who was slowly losing grip on his relationship and possibly his Sunday morning sanity.
"You have no idea," he murmured.
I dropped them off at Harbor Island where all of the houses are gated and they are all modeled the same. Call me queer, but don't they get bored without originality?
No matter...back on the prowl.
The next pair I picked up were from Kuwait. They were studying at The University of Tampa.
"What do you think of America?"
The question always fascinated me towards foreigners.
Two boys no older than twenty.
"It's okay. People here drink too much and are very full of themselves," one of them says.
I hooked a left on Kennedy Avenue.
"The people here are not very cultured and when we tell them Kuwait they do not even know where that is so we don't even bother really telling anyone but no one really asks or listens to what we have to say," the other one proclaims.
We arrived.
"Very insightful. Thanks guys. God bless!"
They looked on in confusion, shrugged their shoulders and got out.
Just another American in America baby.
I took a sip of whiskey and felt it run down my throat and let the inners warm up. The only think missing right now is Strawberry's cute ass giving me a peck on the cheek. Cloud nina sucka. As I did this, I tuned onto the most wretched sports radio channel in North America full of buffoons who clearly take too many steroids, need to leave Hooters' patios, have to realize that Joe Maddon is not returning and actually do not watch Rays Baseball (with the fine exception of Neil Solondz, Andy Freed, Dave Wills and crew) nor any baseball for that matter, need to realize Joe Maddon is not returning, that Marc Topkin is an overweight pathetic portrait of a human being that is paid to write endless nonsense, which is to say, WDAE 620.

Alex Cobb was going up against Joe Biagini. Who? Former Reds, White Sox, Marlins trash Matt Latos was DFA'd because well, that's what happens when you are trash. Hoping to build off that last great start in Miami, Cobber needs to jump ahead and pound the zone. The Jays pen was pretty efficient and The Rays offense was held down the entire game essentially. C-Dick broke through bottom 3rd with a single. 1-0 Rays. Top 6th Russel Martin singles in a run and Colby Rasmus juggles it. 1-1 tie. Top 8th Darwin Barney (yes, his last name is fucking Barney) hits a solo shot into LF. 2-1 Toronto. Cobb goes 8.0 IP 4 H 2 R 2 ER 2 BB 3 K 1 HR. This all went to waste as The Rays offense couldn't muster anything when threatening against trash Osuna. Two on, two out bottom 9th and D-Rob strikes out swinging and that's your game. Another defeat by one run. "I just executed it in the wrong spot," Cobb would say after the game.
Better enjoy Cobb pitching in a Rays uniform because come trade deadline his ass is out the door.
"Tough loss, yeah, tough loss and you know like we couldn't like you know, yeah," Great Leader Kevin Cash says without wearing his Rays jersey (does he ever?). It's very frustrating all of these games. They jump ahead and implode. Colby Rasmus made some pretty questionable defensive plays in LF. Homie better tighten up. Steven Souza Jr. is slowly returning to form, that is to say, striking out  A LOT.

I slammed the keys down, got depressed and drank myself to sleep.

Oddo locks in and a fishing pole...

Strawberry and I will occasionally go fishing in this spot I know along the Hillsborough River. It was a good place to find peace and serenity and escape modern man's insanity and society's tease.
She was actually great outdoors and seemed to enjoy the sun glittering off the water on this beautiful day as opposed to the lights on stage at night. I turned on the radio via the app and tuned in.

Going for us was thug Jake Odorizzi up against Marco Estrada. Estrada is filthy and loves to play peekaboo behind his glove when looking for his sign. Top 1st Ezequiel Carrera hits a homer. No prob. Brush it off Oddo. Estrada was working and some of the swings and misses he'd get with that deception of change up and fastball was filthy. Bottom 3rd. The dude I loathe the most...Lomo hits a two run bomb. 2-1 Rays. Both pitchers cruising until bottom 6th Lomo does it again with a double and then my man COLBY RASMUS CRUSHES one into right center. Two run shot. Sup? Rays chase Estrada out of the game. Don't forget your passport chump. Bottom 8th Rasmus up and get a fielder's choice with a sliding Longo. Eternal hangover Jon Gibbons challenges and fails. Just like this Blue Jays season to be. Rays run away with a 6-1 win. A much needed bounce back win. Oddo finished the night 7.0 IP 3 H 1 R 1 ER 0 BB 6 K which is to say WHERE DA CHAMPAGNE AT YO?! Estrada left going 6.0 IP 7 K 5 R 5 ER but fuckem' who cares. Joey Bats struck out twice and still cannot hit. The baseball gods have spoken THOU SHALL RETIRE A FOOL. He lost. There is nothing more glorious in the doomed battlefield than watching your enemies parish and weep. Lomo has been looking good and Colby Rasmus really knows how to work a count. Erasmo did a great job holding this in the 8th and Jose Alvarado shutting the door. Welcome to the bigs bubba. Biscuits Baseball knows wassup. Rays pitching is so great...sometimes.

I sat in contemplation and happiness as the little fishies swam by.
"Maybe we should get married baby,"
She nearly choked.
"Are you being serious?!" she yelled excitedly.
The words just came out.
"Nah, just kidding. You got a bite!"
The day continues...

The Humidty and Tropicana Field...

After a Florida shower, the sun pops back out and let's the humidity seep up. There's nothing like this anywhere else and in the middle of the summer when the air is so thick and hot, you can barely breathe. I put on the ac and tried not to think. Good to hear BA and Dwayne on the call.

Snell is going for us and up against Miami's Adam Conley. This game featured a mammoth shot by Ozuna that hit the 2011 Wild Card pennant. Snell was cruising then imploded as expected and finished 5.0 IP 6 H 2 R 2 ER 3 BB 9 K 1 HR, Austin Pruitt faded back to form and Rays dropped this one 10-6. "Yep, this was a hard one that we let slip away," personality spokesman Kevin Cash says after the game.
"I know what I'm doing wrong but I don't know how to fix it," Snell says after the game.
Smoke a joint. Pop a fucking pill kid. GET IT TOGETHER BUBBA. Aint weed legal in Washington state? Fuck the Seahawks by the way.
Thursday night was a lot more prosperous as Matt Andriese (who is arguably our best starter) went the longest in his career with 7.0 IP 5 H 0 R 0 ER 3 BB 8 K. Strailey was good only until he wasn't. Bye bubba. THUG LIFE SUCKA. Tim Beckham stayed hot and hit two bombs. "Yeah man, I'm like locked in man, you know like yeah and yeah you know we gotta win man and we like you know yeah?" he remarked after the game. First rounder talk. Sup?
Friday night was promising until, well, Chris Archer does what he seems to do best. Implode once his team gives him the lead. He went on to strike out 11 but he also gave up a three run lead with a combo of Justin Smoak and Kendrys Morales bringing the offense then the Blue Jays do what they do best. Start hitting bombs. So cheap. American League baseball is trash. The Rays actually answered back Top 7th with D-Rob's infield single and a misplay by Smoak but that would quickly be washed away due to Jumbo's Jumbo piece of shit relief pitching. Kevin Pillar doubles in a run. Kendrys Morales and Justin Smoak hit bombs and essentially run away with this game 8-4. Archer's night finished 6.0 IP 4 H 3R 3 ER 1 BB 11 K 1 HR. Touching base on our "ace". It seems the third time through the lineups he either gets to mental or tries striking out guys when he should pitch for more contact thus leaving flat sliders over the plate to get drilled OR walks the lead off batter. Maybe he doesn't believe in his defense? Kevin Cash left him out there to face Morales. This wasn't a bad decision, he was the best pitcher at the moment to face him, it's just they got lucky with the pitch. It's frustrating all of these losses because the game is essentially ours BUT the bullpen cannot sustain any other offense it seems. They have had a revolving door of Hu, J. Marks, Jose Alvarado, Whitley, Erasmo, Fard, etc. Thus far this season, games they jump out early in they blow their lead eventually and it's maddening because your hopes are high then dashed because the offense falls asleep and the pen just gets worse and worse. We should be at the top of this division but our pen is THAT BAD. We even chased out shithead Francisco Liriano (who nailed KK's wrist) and STILL blew this game. Someone better dot Joey Bats, Smoak, Kevin Pillar or Morales tonight. Unintentional my ass. Protect ya neck."Yeah, tough loss. Archer was our best pitcher and like you know like we like you know yeah," Captain personality Kevin Cash remarked after the game.
Is his job slowly dangling? Can't really hate on the guy though. He uses what they give him but the dude really cannot manage a pitching staff nor seems like a leader in the clubhouse. If Lomo is your leader in there, may god have mercy on all of our souls. Rickie Weeks is batting .163 with 49 AB and 28 Ks. OUCH bubba. D-Rob be lookin' good in the infield. Colby Rasmus will find that stroke. Duffy and Ramos look closer to coming back. There is a god! This team is now 15-16 interestingly enough when they should be 29-1 or 28-2. That's how close some of these games are. They seem to play like total dog shit against fellow AL East teams.

I needed to forget so I went out to Uber a bit. A guy jumps in who I pick up from International Mall wearing -well what do you know?- a Cubs jersey and hat.
"Hey man, I am going to Westshore," he explains.
"Ok,"
I hook a right onto the street.
"So, Cubs fan huh?"
"They sure are great aint they?" he chuckles.
"Are you from Chicago?"
"Ha Ha, no. I am from Kentucky but moved down here to Tampa due to my work," he says.
"Cool,"
"You know they are playing The Rays this year right?" he adds.
"Oh really?"
"Yeah man, I cannot wait to see Starling Castro out there," he explains.
I abruptly stop the car.
"GET OUT,"
He looked stunned as I stared on in a murderous state.
So he did.
The plague of Cubs "fans" has grown far worse than Red Sox "fans". Florida sucks but I know where my loyalty is. I went to a 7-11, bought a twelve pack of Coors light and headed home.

A broken Chevy and Miami

"What's wrong with your car?" Strawberry demanded.
"It's broken,"
Just like this culture.
"Well how did you manage to do that?" she snapped.
"Probably from Ubering too much,"
This was partially true.
"We are going to have to take it back,"
So we did.
Naturally, we found ourselves waiting at a bar on 7th and preparing for the game. I new this dude Manny who owned a shop in Ybor. His prices were fair and his weed was bomb. All in all, it was a win-win situation.
We were playing a game of pool and one of Strawberry's friends was there with her boyfriend at Dirty Shame. Call me queer but I had a tendency to become slightly prickly when someone was pouring out their heart and soul when all I wanted to do was play a game of pool.
"I mean, I just don't know about her bro," he explained.
Neither did I.
"It's your turn,"
"We get a long great but we fight sometimes. I'll start drinking and lose my shit," he continued while squaring up his nine ball.
Another broken relationship.
"Uh huh,"
He scratched.
"She wants to have a kid and I already have one," he complained.
I set up.
"Where is your kid?"
I knocked one in. Solids baby.
"He is in South Carolina. My boy changed my life," he said proudly.
Last time I checked this was Tampa bubba.
"And why isn't he living here?"
Silence.
"Uh, well, the mom doesn't want him down here," he said.
Another broken family.
"Right,"
He had a tattoo of his son's name on his arm.
"Who's turn is it?" he asked.
Strawberry was musing with her friend and looking so good in that little yellow dress and left me for dead with this guy. It struck me odd that he lived so far away from the kid and claimed that it "changed his life".
I sunk the 8 ball in the left corner pocket.
"That's game sucka,"
The screen was showing the game (The Marlins broadcast).

Volquez was going up against split finger throwing Alex Cobb. Volquez is a good pitcher just you don't know what you'll get from him. Either striking guys out or walking batters left and right. The Marlins are such an odd team. Owned and ran by a complete nimrod and the community doesn't seem to be fond of him, it's a pity because this team is loaded with talent and has a beautiful ballpark unlike these Tampa Bay Rays. No matter...Volquez started off bumpy. Bottom 1st. Cobber pitching and seems to have an issue with a bluster. Kill me. He shakes off Hickey and Cash and continues throwing. Bulldog. Love it. Top 3rd. Former Marlin Lomo cranks one down RF. He sure loves hitting here. Top 5th Tim Beckham and D-Norris tack on 2 more runs and put the Rays ahead 3-0. Meanwhile Cobber was looking like the Cobber pre-Tommy John. YES. Cobber finished his night with 6.0 IP 4 H 0 R 0 ER 2 BB 2 K. Is this the turnaround we are waiting for? His fastball command was working well and his secondary pitches were working well too. That split finger fastball is beautiful. Better than Rembrandt. Just kidding. Volquez left in the 5th with an apparent injury. Bummer dude. Talk about a weird/historical night? Walked 8 and struck out 9. What the dickens? Top 8th. Struggling slugger Giancarlo Stanton doubles in a run. 3-1 TB. Top 9th. Colome mows them down. Walks one then gets ride of Dee Gordon. The Rays looked really good and do I smell Patrick Leonard on the horizon for first base? Rickie Weeks Jr. might lose his roster spot. His defense is OK but that bat really is dead. COLBY RASMUS has debuted and walked. This big ole' redneck will be a nice addition to a struggling offense. Brad Miller walks a lot and has seemed to fall of with power. Better eat some protein bubba. Now it's back to St. Pete for the "battle of Cuban sandwiches". Whatever the fuck that means. Snell going tomorrow.

I felt good about the win and felt more awkward about the situation left in The Dirty Shame.
"Good game huh?" the guy says.
"Yes,"
A buzz in the pocket.
"Car is ready," the voice spoke.
"Cool,"
"Strawberry, let's go darling,"
We bid our goodbyes and headed for the mechanic. The encounter left me philosophical and thinking about another father without his kid but has a kid. Does that make sense? Strawberry looked ravenous. The thought occurred to me are the women so insane that they cannot handle the men/children or are the men not really men anymore to where they cannot handle the women/children?
We arrived, I put the keys in the ignition and we went to Taco Bell.

Rays v. Marlins...does anyone care?

There is a gas station right before you jump onto I-75 in Ybor. They sell all sorts of stuff and the owner certainly has a side business. Better not to ask too many questions.
I bought a pack of cigarettes and gum to ease the hunger when watching the game. In time I might beat the addiction of smoking but there's something to be said about how nicotine can calm you down. It's almost like most things in society. People need something to forget from all of the nonsense they are fed daily from their mundane jobs and lives whether it be via television, their phones or drugs. Why is it in many parts of Ybor you have a liquor store pretty close by to a church?

Tonight was the infamous "Citrus Series" between The Miami Marlins and Tampa Bay Rays aka the game no one gives a shit about. Chen was up against Jake Odorizzi. Sure missed you bud. Oddo was solid and surely on a pitch count. Chen was good but gave up his fair share of walks and basically imploded. Brad Ziegler didn't help their cause by giving up walks and Osuna crushed a hanging breaking pitch to left field and this college kid jumped in happy as could be to retrieve the ball in the Clevelander. Never too old. Dee Gordon is fast and capitalized on a wild pitch from D-Norris and swiped 3rd. The throw was close but Dee Gordon still got in there. D-Rob at 3rd base looked good. Longo could have the night off. Oddo finished with 5.0 2 H 2 R 1 ER 1 BB 6 K 1 HR. Welcome back Oddo! Pop the champagne! The Marlins have a great lineup and Christian Yelich is so under the radar. Happens when you play in Florida. Tim Beckham loves hitting in this park and I remember when these two teams locked up last year and Taylor Motter debuted. How time flies and players come and go. Rays took this one 4-2. Our pen did the job and Colome locked down the save. Cool to see two Taiwanese pitches (in MLB currently) in the same ballpark. The game is spreading...Chen is pitching with a partial tear in his arm. Is that smart? Rickie Weeks Jr. is STRUGGLING.

I lit another cigarette, inhaled and looked at the glittering stars.

Late Night Uber Action and Rogers Centre

Midday games throw me off. They put my whole day in a different rhythm. I prepared some sandwiches for Strawberry and I then tuned into the television screen.

Andriese was up against Francisco Liriano. He is an interesting pitcher. You never really know what you'll get with him, has funky mechanics and gives up tons of walks. Andriese, you kinda know what you'll get and the key for him is to stay in the yard. This was your typical Rays loss. They were given a ton of free walks, there were moments when the bases were juiced and they came up empty and Justin Smoak crushed a two run bomb to dead center. Souza Jr. got nailed on the knuckle and would be taken out of the game. Osuna shut the door and looked like he found his stride. Liriano gave up 4 BB and The Rays still didn't capitalize. Ryan Garton came in and looked good, so there is a plus. Andriese finished up his day with 7.0 IP 5 H 4 R 3 ER 3 BB 4 K 1 HR. Actually a very good quality outing. Okay, the 4 R kinda blows but all in all, he gave the bullpen a day off. Still they lost. KK leads the Rays in strikeouts. Cool.
Sunday seemed to be more optimistic as Archer was cruising well and Aaron Sanchez was out after one inning of pitching due to a popped blister until, well, The Rays do what they do best, blow their lead due to a very weak bullpen. Off season addressed issues? Hmm...the struggle continues.
Archer went 7.1 IP 4 H 1 R 1 ER 2 BB 5 K. He had that vintage fastball of his going and his slider and change were working well. He nearly pegged Joey Bats. No matter, this all went to waste as Colome gave up a double then the lead and lo and behold, The Rays lost in the 8th and were shut down from Osuna in the 9th. The offense looks depleted up and down (aside from C-Dick and Souza Jr) and no one can seem to have any timely hits on the road. Rickie Weeks Jr. D-Norris, B-Miller and KK cannot hit a baseball anymore and the team finishes the month under .500 after a very promising first week. Maybe there is something to a projection after all? Kevin Cash still looks clueless and who knows where this season is going. It is the first time this season Toronto has one back to back games and The Rays finish the month at 12-14.

I needed to break away from thinking about all of this too much and decided to Uber  tonight in South Tampa. The first lady I picked up was a prostitute leaving some motel off Hillsborough and needed to be dropped off somewhere near Howard. The next couple was coming from dinner in Hyde Park where the wife was bickering about a broken AC and the husband seemed at a loss of words (probably due to the alcohol). In order for me to keep the edge off, I had a little flask with me and would take the occasional sip of whiskey. Some cheap stuff I bought from some Indian liquor store off Nebraska Avenue. The next person was a chick who complained of being cold.
"Are you being sarcastic?"
"I was on a boat all day and got sunburned," she explained.
The outside temperature was like if God took a blow dryer and blew it all across Tampa Bay.
"Get in,"
So she did.
"Donald Trump is brilliant," she began.
"Oh?"
"Aside from all of his comments about women and the world, he just puts on a public persona to convince people of something he is not," she said.
"Interesting,"
We took a left on Dale Mabry.
"Honestly, I just hope he does make America stronger again because right now we are weak," she laughed.
"Yeah,"
We arrived to her house.
"Say, you are an interesting guy. Do you want to get coffee sometime?" she asked politely.
Her hair was a beautiful gold.
"My girlfriend would chop my dong off but thanks,"
"Oh," she giggled.
Awkward silence.
"Have a good night!"
She gave me two bucks and off I went roaring into the night.