Spring Training Has Begun...

“Hey you worthless fuck, get up!” this guy yells at me.

I slept on the bench somewhere in downtown Tampa. My eyes barely awoke and some obese guy in a security jacket kicked me out. Just across the street, on the corner of North Franklin and Polk Street.

“You cannot sleep here you lazy fuck!” he roared.

“I don't remember how I got here,”

A girl walking her little dog strolled by and looked at her watch and had white headphones in her ear.

“GO!” he yelled.

The man was panting and you could tell her was easing closer to cardiac arrest.

“Ok,”

I snagged bus 32 and headed back towards my happy abode.

As I exited the bus, it dawned in me what day it was...FIRST DAY OF SPRING TRAINING. Already, the adrenaline (no not the synthetic kind) was pulsing through my veins. As I headed to my room, this dude I see ever so often, was standing there smoking and staring at me.

“Sup bro,” he says.

“Hey there,”

“Guess what?” he asked.

“You have beer?”

“Even better,” he says with a smirk.

What could be better than a substance that helped me escape reality?

“I have tickets to today's game in Port Charlotte,” he announced.

“Let's go,”

I was excited to see the boys, moreover to see Colin Poche this guy everyone seems to rant and rave over. US-41 is the road we took and coasts down the Gulf side of Florida where it goes through small towns where the old people go to die and others get fried. We approached Port Charlotte and took a couple more shots of this cheap whiskey I bought for the trip. There it was as we approached it on ole El Jobean Road...the only thing that brings me total bliss and harmony and escape from this horrible state we live in. We parked and saw flocks of geriatrics who were over weight and were probably gonna die soon. I rushed us to the park, got inside, bought a ten dollar beer and sat down and saw the boys get to work. Austin Pruitt got the start and we watched our lord and savor for the Tampa Bay Rays franchise Kevin Kiermaier lose track of a routine pop fly, back peddled, fall down, tracked the ball down and hosed it back into the infield. Pruitt gave up a run, the perpetual dude who gets DFA'd Oliver Drake looked pretty descent (with a strike out), Colin Poche REALLY struggled with his command. Strike out one Philly swinging then walked three more and eventually got the hook. Whatevs, first day of Spring can do that. Hunter Wood looked pretty similar from last year (fighting for that pen spot bubba), Kittredge had a solid outing and hopefully fights CC Sabathia (the real key is punch his fat ass right in the spleen). Yandy Diaz is a monster and watched him strike out swinging. Tommy Pham looked like he was ready to ball and a pair of hits. Ji-Man Choi got this years first RBI so that was dope, OG Stone Crab Jake Cronenworth got some play time and did very little, Willy Adames had a hit along with D-Rob. Possible front runner for the first baseman job Nate Lowe was out there getting some reps in too. Kean Wong was out there fielding and hitting nothing. Have they thought about signing an Evan Gattis to a strict DH role? Just saying... Emilio Bonifacio had some nice Abs but don't be fooled, he is serious trash and needs to be left at the beach in Punta Gorda. They lost but who cares, Rays Baseball is back. Apparently there is some rumor about the Rays time sharing with Montreal? Is there even rays in the water there? Trippin mon frere.

I left elated and so happy baseball was back, my skin was crispy from the sun and lots of diaphoretic obese geriatrics swarmed to the AC of their cars. In the herd you could spot many clueless souls wearing their Red Sox gear. Pretty sure Fort Myers is thirty minutes south but one has to remember most people who are Red Sox fans are generally mentally inept beyond repair. There's a Hooters we went to in town (well, at an intersection) where everyone congregates after the game to look at an illusion of beauty.

“Y'all getting some pitchers?” the girl with braces and thick make up asked.

“You know it!” my buddy yells and lights a cigarette.

The girl looked no older than nineteen.

“I'd hit it,” my buddy murmurs.

She came back with two pitchers of lite beer.

“What do you do around here for fun?” he asked her.

She laughed and exposed her bright braces and the cracks of her makeup on her cheeks.

“Fish but my boyfriend lives in Naples so I go down there all of the time,” she explained while glancing at the check.

Aka homeboy had money.

“I will take...” my buddy began.

I observed the girl in my peripheral while pretending to glance at the menu and realized every Hooters girl looked the same and had that same robotic hybrid laugh.

“I'll take some wings,”

She wrote it down and went inside.

Rays Baseball was back...